Thick skin towards Rejection!

You might not like what I write but why should you get used to Rejection? Getting used to means getting comfortable with something that is not your typical behavior. Well, if you ask me, I would say, never ever get used to Rejection. Treat it as a luxury that you cannot afford.

I faced my first rejection at the age of 24. I had everything served on my wish plate until then. I wanted to do my Masters in Sports Physiotherapy. Now that field was even rarely selected by boys and here I was, pouring another wish of Sports Physiotherapy, abroad to my parents. I was the eldest daughter, the darling of even my maid and they would by no means approve my plans. I cried, revolted, begged, fasted until hungry, but nothing would change my parents' mind. While my other friends were planning studies abroad, I was sulking and slowly started working. By the time they flew abroad, I had a stable job as a Physiotherapist. Me-1, Rejection-0.

I wanted to shift professional sector and started applying for jobs in MNC. I was rejected by a Top Company and them out of their generosity offered to train me and hire me based on my improvement. So they rejected to hire me right away. I was beyond mad. I took it upon me to get into the company. Months later, among 100s of candidates who applied for a job in that company that day, I was the first among 3 to walk away with an offer letter with a package that blew my mind. If I got used to the Rejection, I would have been as a Physiotherapist and not where I am today. Me-2, Rejection-0.

I wanted to settle down emotionally and thought the guy who proposed me was a good match. Until he decided someone else was good for him. You can read that here. How did your ex made you a better person? If I only sulked and remained depressed, I wouldn’t have been where I am today in my life. Me-3, Rejection-0.

I was doing well in my career and all of a sudden a colleague tries his hands at harassing me. I was advised to take it in my stride and my request to look into the issue was rejected by the Management. I took the matter in my own hands and ensured that the guy wets his pants every time he thinks of me. You can read that here. When was a time you had submit your resignation in style? If I chose to remain silent in spite of the injustice done to me, I wouldn't have been the strong woman that I am today. Me-4, Rejection-0.

So you never succumb to rejections and feel its ok to get accustomed to rejection. No, it is not! Standing tall every time you are falling down is what you ought to do! 

Am Sorry, I lied!

She looked at her friend for her approval and she was ecstatic when she received one. 'One final time', she thought as she looked into the mirror. She was happy with what she saw. She had little time for the preparations. It had been all sudden, thanks to 'him'. It all started a month back....

He called her and requested her if they could meet. He sounded different. No pleasantries. He was always soft spoken and reserved. But was never different. They have known each other for 10 years now. They met at her workplace when she first joined. Though he quit later, they kept in touch. He would message her over the years and they would meet if he was somewhere near her place. They remained friends over the years. But this was new. She guessed there must be something. She went to the place decided and there he was, waiting for her. He smiled and she smiled back. She settled down in her chair. No warm hugs, no pecks and no handshakes. It was always like this with him. She respected him for that. He looked as if he was contemplating something. She guessed something was disturbing him. She was about to ask him if everything was fine with him and all of a sudden, he asked her, 'Will you marry me?' For a second, she was sure she misheard him. She kept looking at him and he took out something from his pocket and looked at her and continued, 'I am not good with words. I am sure every girl would want to marry a man of her dreams and you never considered me anything except for a friend. And I want to be your friend forever. I want to be that friend with whom you wake up every morning and warm up to before you sleep. I want to be your friend until death does us apart. Will you marry me?'

She sat there in deep thought. From mumma's boys breaking her heart to the fiance's walking away at the 11th hour, she has seen it all. She long back concluded that love and marriage weren't meant for her and she had come to terms with it. She promised herself that there would never be any other man who would ever find a place in her heart. And now here he was, stirring a storm in her life, all with just 4 words, 'Will you marry me?' He tapped on her hand and she came back to reality. 'I', umm she was trying to find her voice. He leaned close towards her anxiously. 'I know you always considered me a good friend and nothing beyond. But we have been friends and in each others' lives for 10 years now. I think its only a step ahead of our friendship, sealing it with a ring and vows? He was right. Its been 10 years and they knew what was happening in each others' lives. They were 2 reserved people who kept to themselves and were in touch. He made the effort to keep in touch. 'I know life hasn't been a smooth ride for you. Neither has it been for me. All I am asking is let us give life another chance, this time together. And if I ever cause you pain, you can walk away and no question would be ever asked.' She knew him and wanted to genuinely give herself another chance. But the wounds from the past left her deep scars. She hesitated before she spoke. 'I am not sure what to say right now. But God forbid if this doesn't work, I don't want to lose my friend. And we have never seen each other beyond friends. Should we not be seeing each other before we take a decision?' He was now relaxed and said, ' Let's consider this our first date, then'. She smiled and he called the waiter. The waiter has beennwatching all this in silence and was curious if she would a yes or a no. He almost ran to the table, saw the ring in his hands and was a little disappointed. He took the order and left. They spoke for the next couple of hours and the when they finally were done and he called the waiter for the check. He saw the ring on her hand and  he never felt happier. The ring on her hand made him  happier than the tip he received. They left hand in hand and he never was so genuinely happy for someone.

What happened over the next month was magical. He met her everyday. They squeezed out time amid their tight schedules. They poured their hearts out. Well, she poured her fears out and he listened to her intently and always assured her. He poured out his dreams and she made a mental note of everything.

And when the big day came, she wore the dress that she always dreamt of. She was just about the pull down the veil and get ready to walk down the aisle. A small girl came and gave her a letter and said that the groom had asked her to give this and ran as fast as she came. She opened the letter and all that she could read was 'Am sorry'! Her heart skipped couple of beats and her knees gave away. Her world was falling. It seemed that the wounds of the past were laughing at her. She wanted to read the letter before the tears could blur her vision. But she couldnt. Her friend saw what just happened and took the letter from her. Few moments later, she gave her the letter and said, 'You should read this, I insisit.'

She found no point in reading any further. But if he thought she would crumble just after the first 2 words, then he was wrong. She wanted to be strong. She started reading, wioing away her tears. 'Am sorry. I lied. I lied being your friend. I lied for the past 10 years and I no more can. No at this moment. When I first saw you, I somehow knew that we had to be friends. That night, I dreamt of you. We were watching sunset together. I woke up surprised because by then, I didn't even know your name. I had just seen you earlier in the day. I tried knowing more about you but had little luck. And when you joined my team, 10 years later,  words are still less to describe my emotions. I made it a point to keep in touch but not cross the boundaries lest you despise me. Everytime I saw you with someone, I knew I had to give up my hope. But something held me back. Everytime I saw your heart broken, I wanted to ask you out, I held back myself for the fear of losing you. But when I was told that you were giving up on love, I knew I had to stand up. It was now or never. I couldn't stand to see a decade of love being thrown away without being given a chance. The last month was an amazing period of my life and I   don't want to trade it for anything in this world. I know I lied being your friend. You were my soulmate. The one who kept my heart with her for the past 10 years. Now, I want to take your hand into mine and promise you that I shall be your friend in true sense. I want to be your warmth in the winters and your cool breeze during hard summers. And when you walk the aisle, I will be waiting for you at the altar to promise that no matter what happens, I'll be your friend. Can't wait to seal it with a kiss.' She finished reading the letter and looked at her friend through her teary eyes. She knew that was the last time she would have to ever worry about her decision.

She pulled down her veil and walked towards her father who was waiting to walk her the aisle.....

How do I become mentally strong?

When you realise that you don't want to die as a loser no matter what, you have already become strong mentally. But now how do you come to that conclusion? Let me explain how I decided to do it…

A year and a half ago, I drafted my resignation mail and I could feel my heart sinking. Now, that was neither my first job nor my first resignation mail. I always quit my job before even having an offer in hand and this time too it was nothing different, except for the fact that this particular job opened up a variety of opportunities for network and growth. I knew I would not stay unemployed for too long. And how wrong was I!

I rang up a lady who used to be my client and asked for a reference. I worked at odd times for her cos she had to submit her work and I obliged. She owed me one. Didn’t she? She picked up the call in the very first instance, told me how she would miss working with me and the moment I told her I would need her reference for a particular company, she said that she knew the Director there, spoke to him just couple of days back but ‘unfortunately’ misplaced all her contacts. She needed a week’s time to get his no# and nothing from her even after a couple of attempts. It hurt. It was a moment of sour grapes for me. I was the fox who decided that the grapes were sour because I couldn’t reach them. I was still strong and I was still in the first fortnight of unemployment.

I knocked LinkedIn’s door. People would greedily accept my connection request to boast about the strength of their network but would never respond to my requests for referring me to the opportunities in their companies. The very few who responded wanted to know if I was on WhatsApp and could be friends. Hell, No! I refused. Politely first but when I lost my patience, I turned aggressive and gave them my piece of mind. It hurt. But I was still strong. I was just into months of being unemployed. I still have a future.

Months started flying by and Rejection emails started pouring in. Birthday came, I checked my wallet if I had any cash on me. I had nothing. Whom was I kidding? I cried uncontrollably. I remembered how I celebrated my birthdays before. But I wiped my tears comforting myself that I can't be crying because am strong. The mirror laughed at me. But I wouldn’t just give up.

I started applying left, right and centre in every part of the world. Once I even applied as a Customer Service Representative for a Nike Showroom in France. Gave a couple of interviews. Nothing came through. But the HRs’ and the Managers were demeaning. They wouldn’t even bother to go through my CV but would decide I didn’t fit their bill. I was hurt. I wrote emails to the Founders how their HRs treated me and tagged them in LinkedIn. I was still strong ( I thought so). I cried the whole day. I started to crumble inside. I have started feeling the cracks. But No! How can I become weak? I put myself to sleep deciding that I am still strong.

I was still applying for jobs and was being rejected for the silliest of the reasons. One instance wherein I failed to recognise the HR during my 2nd round of interview and another time because the lady thought that ‘My dream of penning a book someday’ didn’t strike a chord with her brain. I can go on and on. But I only became stubborn and decided never to apply for their companies ever. It started hurting. My head started spinning more often now. Irish coffee stopped helping. Money in my wallet was a rare sight.

2 months back, I lived through the First Anniversary of my unemployment. I wanted any heavy vehicle to knock me down to death. Bu No! The drivers unanimously decided that they would drive safe. I wouldn’t give up. I walked in the middle of the road recklessly but the drivers decided to wait until the signal turned green. My bad! I cried more often now. Felt depressed every second. But wait! Wasn’t I strong still? A sound in the head started mocking! No girl! You aren’t strong anymore. Time to see a shrink. But I wouldn't.

Called upon God. Sometimes I plead, sometimes I debated. Sometimes I reminded him that I was His child and He can’t ignore me. I tried blackmailing Him that if He doesn’t help me out, I would die and my grave wouldn’t praise Him. But God would have nothing of my tantrums. He is yet to respond. I was angry now. Really angry. Stopped praying. Stopped reaching out to Him.

The family didn’t really know how to handle me. I started getting suicidal and started imagining hurting myself to overcome the emotional pain that I was going through. If I ever read a death news in the NewsPaper, I wondered why wasn’t that person me. When someone got a job, I looked unto the Heavens screaming ‘When is my turn’?

All through this, I was sure of one thing. I didn’t want to die as a loser. That was the only thing that kept me alive and still does. The levels of intensity of strength that I had dropped down during this Year and a half. I am no more the strong girl that I had once been. I sleep every night with a hope of a better day the next morning and the next day is bitter than the previous one. Life goes on and so does my disappointment. I am misfortune’s favourite child.

So how do I become mentally strong?

By promising myself that I would never let myself down. Never give up on me. I would never stop breathing however my lungs want to cry out instead of breathing. I might be an emotional wreck but I shall be strong enough to reply to all the HR questions for any job prospects. I might be still mocked at or made fun of by my own. But I shall live as if it was just a bad dream. I would rather fool myself like this rather than wasting my life suffering through the pain. And amidst all this, never giving up cos that's not an option that I can afford.

So how can you become mentally strong?

Knock the doors of your emotional intelligence. You never know how strong you are until you give it a chance. No Man(women) is weak mentally. It is unleashed when you go through tough moments. If you have to open up and talk it out, talk to a mirror and let the tears flow down. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to let tears flow down and not to wipe them off. Unfortunately or fortunately there is no Rulebook as of how you can become strong. The Ten Commandments also don't say- ‘ Though shall not be mentally weak’. So, it's OK to be mentally down at times. Its always going to be a trial and error process. You come up with a plan, try it. If it makes you stronger, you made it. If not, you have another chance. And you try another way. Write your own rules and come up with your own theories of becoming strong. One day maybe you can answer this question to someone who wants to know how to become mentally strong.

How to handle failures?

Unfortunately, life is unpredictable and so are failures. Sometimes it's your fault and at times it isn't.

I received a call from an HR of a reputed company. I was recovering from Typhoid and told her that I can’t make it on the scheduled date. She mailed me nevertheless asking me to confirm my presence for the interview. I politely replied to her reminding my inability to attend the interview given my physical condition. A few days later, another HR called me up and asked if I could attend the interview the next day. I confirmed that I would attend the interview next day and she sent me a mail asking me to confirm my attendance. I replied in positive and rang her up personally to request her to share the Job Description of the position. She gave me a rough idea of what the position was all about and she reiterated the fact that this has got no particular functional skills and it is a client facing role which means I should have good communication skills. I had nothing really to prepare for the interview. I went through the company details and was all set to go. Having had few bad experiences with interviews in the past, I didn’t pin hopes on this one. At least, I thought so! Boy! Whom was I kidding? I knew I had this job. I went to the avenue 30 mins prior and sat there. I was called in and the Manager asked me for my CV and wanted to know about me from myself the “traditional way”. Hardly 5 mins into the conversation, he turned my CV upside down, relaxed his shoulders and asked me a question that caught me off guard.

Manager: ”What do your friends think of you, Priyanka?”

I wanted to confirm what I heard and he repeated the question. I never gave my friends a feedback form to fill it up for me. But I knew that they all unanimously thought I was strong. I told him the same.

Then comes the next question-

“How do you define your life in one sentence”?

This time I was spontaneous- “I live a life that doesn’t allow me to die as a loser”.

Manager: So you are a fighter?

Me: Yes, if that what takes me to survive in this world, I said.

Now comes the important part of the conversation.

Manager: “Your profile is strong and I see that your communication is your strength and you surely possess leadership skills. But am afraid you don’t have the functional skills”.

Me: Wait. What? Do you have a functional skill required for this job?

Manager: Yes. And am afraid we are looking for someone who has those skills readily available to put to use.

Me: I understand.

Manager: It was nice talking to you.

Me: Pleasure is all mine. If you don’t mind, I have a question for you.

Manager: Sure, go ahead.

Me: Have you gone through the Job Description that is being circulated for this position?

Manager: I am sure, I did.

Me: I want you to have a look at it from my mobile and then let me know what are the functional skills that have been mentioned that I don’t possess.

I could see the blood draining from his face. “Fighter, you are!” He said.

He assured me that he would talk to his team. I walked away after forced pleasantries. I had to force myself into a cab before I could break down into tears. All through the way home, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I failed to get a job because of someone’s failure at their job. And I was at the receiving end. While I write this, I still wipe away the tears so that I can see my screen clearly and do not commit errors while writing.

So if you look at this, for me it was a heartbreaking failure. How did I handle it? I cried my lungs out and am still crying my heart out. Does this solve the problem? No! Then what do I do? Accept the reality. The reality being I ended up with a failure for someone else’s mistake. What did I learn out of this? Nothing. Nothing? you may ask. I repeat, Nothing. What would I have to learn from someone else’s mess?

But I know I learnt a way to handle this one and maybe you can handle yours too if we:

* “ Stop thinking about it after this post and move on. No point in thinking about it and breaking one’s head. Whatever has happened is irreversible(until the Manager decides to give me a chance and calls me up; God willing that happens, I shall post it here). We can neither go back in time nor change the way things unfolded. Then why cry over already spilt milk while you have another glass with you?

*Neither let the world nor you judge you by the “Failure yard”. Instead, try the “Attempt yard”. Gives you a whole different perspective.

*Don’t let failure hurt your self-esteem. Your success or failure should not be the yardstick of your self-esteem and your identity.

Just remember that if you fail, you better rise and raise the bar!

Peace on!!!

When life seems to be like travelling in a never ending dark tunnel, just look around.

         

               I just finished my college and found this job.This incident happened when I was working for a Multi National Company and was working at nights. The company has provided us transport and we would drop the other employees on the way. I stayed pretty far and would ideally be the last one to reach home. That was Christmas season and the city was blooming with joy and decoration. A female employee had to be dropped at her place and her house was inside a lane through which the cab couldn't pass by. The security guard offered to drop her at her place while the rest of us waited in the cab at the end of the street. It was pretty cold and I covered myself warm enough and was looking through the car window. A thin and frail woman was standing by the side of the road may be for alms. She cut a very sad figure. She must have been starving for couple of days for now. Before I could reach out to her to help her, I saw a cop on a 2 wheeler stopping by a fruits stall to pick up few fruits. The lady still shivering, and out of desperate hunger walked up to the cop for alms. The cop looked at her frail figure, spoke to her for few minutes and demanded that she get on at the back of his bike. The lady's expression is still afresh in my memories. Without a word, she sat on the bike and the cop rode off with an expression that was easily understood. He did not buy the fruits. Obviously, he was no more hungry for the fruits from the stall. He found something that would satiate his hunger. "Speechless" is a small word to express my state of mind.

            Years later, while I write this in the comfort of an air-conditioned room, I often think of that night and that helpless woman. I can't help but think of the exploitation that happened that night. As a young woman who started her career, it was an experience that taught me how to enjoy life given freedom and opportunities to enrich my inner self. That was the last time I ever hated my life and its problems. If my life was like a journey in a never-ending tunnel, the woman's trade for hunger showed me how fortunate I have been to live everyday on my own terms and not on anyone's demands. By no means am I demeaning her choice and its none of my business what must have happened that night after she rode pillion on the cop's bike.

           When life seems to be like travelling in a never-ending dark tunnel, just look around. You will see people frail than you and experiences difficult than yours'. Instead of whining, maybe you can be grateful for the necessities at your disposal which might be luxuries for the other person.
       
                

Stop being Inspired...Start Inspiring!!!

                                                 

                                                   Sounds rather strange right? Everyone of us look for something or somebody to inspire us in our daily life. For few if it is Famous personalities, for few its nature. For few if its pain that draws inspiration, for few its art. Man has come a long way in the field of Technology but is still stuck in the stone age days when it comes to emotional success. We all look for something magical or divine to drive us. We need Abraham Lincoln to tell us that slavery was bad. We need Serena Williams to teach us how to never give up no matter its health or racial discrimination. Back home we need Leander Paes to teach us that age is just a number. If the whole world is at our disposal to teach us how to be inspired, when do we get a chance to inspire?

                                                   I prefer to be an inspiration rather than being influenced or impressed by  someone who is already successful. When I carve my own path I would like to admire its landscape. While in my previous 2 posts I mentioned how I mended my heart when it was hurt, in this post I am going to write how I stopped looking for an inspiration when my ship was sinking and I became an inspiration. The reason I have been mentioning about this particular instance is because this incident changed me as a person. From being a victim, it transformed me into an "Individual." And I want my experience to travel as far as it can with a message that if I could, everyone else CAN. Every time I go back to this memory, it hurts me beyond description. I choose this topic foe the last couple of posts s well because I want every woman out there reading and hearing this to remember that your gender should be a reason for men out there to respect you but not humiliate you. This post will not be about how the male chauvinist pigs tried to put me down or not how about a couple of feminist professionals tried to stand by the men. But it's about me how I stood up against every odd and served their plates in full with their own medicine. 

                                                So as mentioned in the previous post, I did complain to my immediate Supervisor that the Guy was harassing me and I had a meeting with 3 more cowards. I decided it was time I stood up for my own cause. To be honest, I was not thinking about the entire female gender then. I was only thinking about my self respect. Their jaws dropped when I was very specific and clear in my stand. As their career progressed, they must have also mastered the art of acting because if they were shocked at a girl coming up straight and talking quite bold enough, they didn't show it yet. One Manager tried showing his frustration that I never tried being friends with the accused, I cut him short stating my job in the company was not to make friends and not to listen to crap. Another Manager took a leaf from his colleagues' and advised me that my priority should be my parent's health and not these petty issues. Little did he know that I would retort stating that had my parents been there in the meeting room at that moment, the would have told me to fight for my self respect. They tried with all their might to convince me and I too was convinced that you can't talk to a bunch of educated fools. I thanked them for all their advises and walked out more determined than ever. I did not relent. I did make a call and got the details of the Country Wide HR who handles the Sexual Harassment cases. I drafted a mail and sent it across. I mentioned that now it was no more one accused but 3 people along with the main accused trying for an "emotional rape" on a female employee. I clearly mentioned the statements that flew across in the room during the meeting. Within days tables changed. I had meetings with the HR Managers trying to go deeper into the issue. This was an emotional trial. I felt that my wound was never going to heal. I felt it was ME vs the Chauvinist tribe. I was determined that I was neither turning back nor giving up. The main accused denied the whole issue and the rest of the team (read Managers) supported their statements with disclaimers that they had no malice when they suggested "Coffee Date." I was given option of choosing how I wanted to proceed with this complaint that I filed- either opt for compromise or go ahead and take a Legal Team's help. I opted for the latter and none of them ever must have thought in their wildest dreams that I would be aggressive enough that mere mentioning my name would wet their pants. Legal team was involved and witnesses called in along with the accused and his team. It went on for a month and I managed to get them their dues before I walked out of the office. I no more wanted to work with uncivilized but seated in high positions. While leaving, unlike other employees, I didn't send out a "Thank You Manager" mails. I sent out a sarcastic mail advising people not to be quite just because it's not their issue. If it is me today, it might be one of them tomorrow. 

                                                    

                                                  If I only waited for a "Guardian Angel" to inspire me and revive my lost pride, I would have been waiting all my life for it. I rather chose to act when necessary and take things under my control. While leaving, I did leave few people inspired. I left with compliments that they wished they had "Guts" like me to stand up. But I had to correct them that it was not guts that were required but love for self and self respect are more important than anything else. I did my part and when life gives you a chance to stand up for yourself, don't hesitate because you never know whom you are inspiring!!!!!

                                         

What mends a broken heart?

                                                      After reading my previous post, one of my friends asked me the secret of mending broken heart. So, this can be considered a continuation of my previous post. While I was about to pen it down this morning, I woke up to a bad dream. Dreams either good or bad are not new to me. I have had dreams giving glimpses of my future and at times my dreams spoke about my passions and interests. But this particular dream was about humiliation. I dreamt that I was being ridiculed and humiliated. Though I woke up a little upset about the dream, I must admit that in reality I am not an alien to all the humiliation or ridicule. Being born in an affluent family to already highly successful parents didn't help either. Contrast to the popular  notion that I was born with a silver spoon, I had to make my existence felt every walk of my life -every step I had took, I had people surrounded like hounds discouraging me. There were times when I wanted to give up. There were times when I stood up because someone wanted me not to give up. My spiritual background has been looked down upon, my thought process ridiculed and nothing that I did looked potentially good to the people round me. One such incident where in I decided that I have had enough and stood up beyond my limits is what changed my life and people's perspective about me. Fear ran in the spines. And today am fortunate enough to write this in the comfort of my room and a very human room mate always next to me no matter the season or the time the clock strikes.

                                                      2 years back, I joined an Organization (Let's just call it an Organization because it's  not worth than being called anything else) in the city of Bangalore. People were skeptical and always taken back by my sense of independence, May be back home "Woman-is-way-down-than-a-man" concept was the upbringing phenomenon. I was the only girl among a batch of Twenty. While I was busy adjusting myself to the new environment and never before heard concepts of people round me, I noticed that one of the guys on the floor started pointing his middle finger towards me every time I walked past by him. Though little taken aback, I calmed myself thinking he is following the "BPO Culture" where in Middle fingers, F & B's at the computer screen are quite normal. And to add on to that, this guy was my good colleague. But how am I to guess that he was killing himself with jealousy and insecurity? He must have completed a course in acting because he used to hide all this behind his"Cool-got-nothing-to-bother-and-lose" attitude. It took me almost a year to realize that this was a rotten egg.


                                                      The moment I realized that I was being harassed sexually, I walked up to my supervisor. Poor Supervisor, who has been taught that no matter what its a sin to look at another woman the same way you look at your mother and sister, laughed it off. But with my persistence he arranged a meeting with a team of "Highly-Educated-But-Not-So-Civilized" Managers who wanted me to go out for a cup of Coffee with the Rogue who has been harassing me. I am sorry but am no Angel to pray for their Mothers and Sisters for a rather sensible treatment by other men. I religiously believe in Eye-for-an-eye concept. Call it coincidence or my prayers been answered at the same time, I had been fortunate enough to know some one who has an influential presence in the same Organization. I had the chance of meeting the right people to take up this further. Now, this was no more a matter of me being harassed. It was me being considered as a writing on the board- Easy to be erased. I wanted to prove the world that I am not someone who can be easily wept away. My slim figure doesn't equal a frail will.
                                                 
                                                   
                                                     Mails flew to the right people within days and a legal team was roped in. When called for a meeting, it was surprising to see my Supervisor holding the Rogue's hand and comforting him and counselling him. For a moment, I felt if I were the Abuser and he was the Victim. One of my best friends told me that after 18 years, holding the parents for the individual's behavior is wrong. True, I cannot blame 2 mothers and 2 father of 2 different individuals for their appalling behavior. All through the while the investigation was going on, the Rogue was absent from work due to "Some Mysterious Illness." May be his masculine power gave up on him before a Woman's  self respect. My Supervisor however was yet to be contracted with this disease. He had no option but to shrink in his own seat while I started blooming with confidence. Weeks later, I walked away from the Organization with my head held high with the pride that I shook the world under their feet and giving them a taste of their own medicine. I was Happy.

                         
                                                    Wait! Did I say I was happy? Yes I was indeed. Walking away gave me satisfaction that I never experienced before. But what about the pain that I went through the whole time? It was depressing. I could not share it with anyone for the fear of being judged. We are yet to out grow the "The girl must have done something to provoke the guy" theory. Few whom I told, narrated their own experiences and how beneficial it is to remain calm. But I was determined. I was not giving up. I spent sleepless nights thinking what might happen and how secure was I in the work place with a team of Uncivilized men trying to prove the Rogue's innocence. Don't be surprised if I mention that there were couple of women who were trying to support the men. Hell, yes for a man to be successful, a woman needs to be there, no matter what role she plays. With the fear prevailing day after day and the pain of being a victim cut the wound deeper, I had to sustain. There were times when I wanted to kill myself. But I decided against it as I realized that Heaven is a far off place from where I can watch the Rogue suffer. It was me and my Self-Respect against a pack of wolves suffering masculine chauvinism.When I thought I was alone along with my self respect in this battle, there has been my best friend who was with me putting herself in my shoes and reminding me how strong I need to be for what I believed was right. One day may be I get a chance to write about this wonderful human being. Now I was no more alone. I had my best friend to my right and my Self-Respect to me left. What can a couple of Uncivilized Men do to me? I stopped being bothered. I know started enjoying the trouble they were going through to save their jobs and not lose their means of bread and butter. I started making friends at work, never stopped smiling knowing that my smile scared them now even more. I looked at them in their eyes every time we crossed paths for I knew that my eyes had the power of humiliating them. I changed the way I wanted to be perceived. I no more wanted to be a mere survivor. I wanted to be a winner. And I am here today, writing this as a "WINNER."

                                                   But what made me a winner? What was the reason I put up a fight? How could I mend my broken heart? I always wanted to leave a beautiful legacy behind. One day, I want my daughter to grow up like her mother who trades nothing for self-respect and want to appreciate her aunt (My Best Friend) who has been instrumental in taking this issue this far. I don't want my daughter to grow up into another timid human being. I am not going to hide this from my son either. For he needs to know how it is for a woman to be hurt and how to be a man not in anatomical perspective but rather in a human perspective. I want my parents to be proud of their upbringing. And not the least, when I find my soulmate some day, I want him to feel proud that he has married a "Strong woman." This is what made me what I am today - "Strong."

                                                If you are still wondering what might be the secret for mending a broken heart, well its your determination and the way you respect yourself. If your levels of Self-Respect are good enough no matter what levels of Adrenaline your abuser might have, he will wither in front of you. I did it and experienced it. It's your turn whenever life throws a chance at you!!!!

                                                Remember, "Giving up should never be an option."