After reading my previous post, one of my friends asked me the secret of mending broken heart. So, this can be considered a continuation of my previous post. While I was about to pen it down this morning, I woke up to a bad dream. Dreams either good or bad are not new to me. I have had dreams giving glimpses of my future and at times my dreams spoke about my passions and interests. But this particular dream was about humiliation. I dreamt that I was being ridiculed and humiliated. Though I woke up a little upset about the dream, I must admit that in reality I am not an alien to all the humiliation or ridicule. Being born in an affluent family to already highly successful parents didn't help either. Contrast to the popular notion that I was born with a silver spoon, I had to make my existence felt every walk of my life -every step I had took, I had people surrounded like hounds discouraging me. There were times when I wanted to give up. There were times when I stood up because someone wanted me not to give up. My spiritual background has been looked down upon, my thought process ridiculed and nothing that I did looked potentially good to the people round me. One such incident where in I decided that I have had enough and stood up beyond my limits is what changed my life and people's perspective about me. Fear ran in the spines. And today am fortunate enough to write this in the comfort of my room and a very human room mate always next to me no matter the season or the time the clock strikes.
2 years back, I joined an Organization (Let's just call it an Organization because it's not worth than being called anything else) in the city of Bangalore. People were skeptical and always taken back by my sense of independence, May be back home "Woman-is-way-down-than-a-man" concept was the upbringing phenomenon. I was the only girl among a batch of Twenty. While I was busy adjusting myself to the new environment and never before heard concepts of people round me, I noticed that one of the guys on the floor started pointing his middle finger towards me every time I walked past by him. Though little taken aback, I calmed myself thinking he is following the "BPO Culture" where in Middle fingers, F & B's at the computer screen are quite normal. And to add on to that, this guy was my good colleague. But how am I to guess that he was killing himself with jealousy and insecurity? He must have completed a course in acting because he used to hide all this behind his"Cool-got-nothing-to-bother-and-lose" attitude. It took me almost a year to realize that this was a rotten egg.
The moment I realized that I was being harassed sexually, I walked up to my supervisor. Poor Supervisor, who has been taught that no matter what its a sin to look at another woman the same way you look at your mother and sister, laughed it off. But with my persistence he arranged a meeting with a team of "Highly-Educated-But-Not-So-Civilized" Managers who wanted me to go out for a cup of Coffee with the Rogue who has been harassing me. I am sorry but am no Angel to pray for their Mothers and Sisters for a rather sensible treatment by other men. I religiously believe in Eye-for-an-eye concept. Call it coincidence or my prayers been answered at the same time, I had been fortunate enough to know some one who has an influential presence in the same Organization. I had the chance of meeting the right people to take up this further. Now, this was no more a matter of me being harassed. It was me being considered as a writing on the board- Easy to be erased. I wanted to prove the world that I am not someone who can be easily wept away. My slim figure doesn't equal a frail will.
Mails flew to the right people within days and a legal team was roped in. When called for a meeting, it was surprising to see my Supervisor holding the Rogue's hand and comforting him and counselling him. For a moment, I felt if I were the Abuser and he was the Victim. One of my best friends told me that after 18 years, holding the parents for the individual's behavior is wrong. True, I cannot blame 2 mothers and 2 father of 2 different individuals for their appalling behavior. All through the while the investigation was going on, the Rogue was absent from work due to "Some Mysterious Illness." May be his masculine power gave up on him before a Woman's self respect. My Supervisor however was yet to be contracted with this disease. He had no option but to shrink in his own seat while I started blooming with confidence. Weeks later, I walked away from the Organization with my head held high with the pride that I shook the world under their feet and giving them a taste of their own medicine. I was Happy.
Wait! Did I say I was happy? Yes I was indeed. Walking away gave me satisfaction that I never experienced before. But what about the pain that I went through the whole time? It was depressing. I could not share it with anyone for the fear of being judged. We are yet to out grow the "The girl must have done something to provoke the guy" theory. Few whom I told, narrated their own experiences and how beneficial it is to remain calm. But I was determined. I was not giving up. I spent sleepless nights thinking what might happen and how secure was I in the work place with a team of Uncivilized men trying to prove the Rogue's innocence. Don't be surprised if I mention that there were couple of women who were trying to support the men. Hell, yes for a man to be successful, a woman needs to be there, no matter what role she plays. With the fear prevailing day after day and the pain of being a victim cut the wound deeper, I had to sustain. There were times when I wanted to kill myself. But I decided against it as I realized that Heaven is a far off place from where I can watch the Rogue suffer. It was me and my Self-Respect against a pack of wolves suffering masculine chauvinism.When I thought I was alone along with my self respect in this battle, there has been my best friend who was with me putting herself in my shoes and reminding me how strong I need to be for what I believed was right. One day may be I get a chance to write about this wonderful human being. Now I was no more alone. I had my best friend to my right and my Self-Respect to me left. What can a couple of Uncivilized Men do to me? I stopped being bothered. I know started enjoying the trouble they were going through to save their jobs and not lose their means of bread and butter. I started making friends at work, never stopped smiling knowing that my smile scared them now even more. I looked at them in their eyes every time we crossed paths for I knew that my eyes had the power of humiliating them. I changed the way I wanted to be perceived. I no more wanted to be a mere survivor. I wanted to be a winner. And I am here today, writing this as a "WINNER."
But what made me a winner? What was the reason I put up a fight? How could I mend my broken heart? I always wanted to leave a beautiful legacy behind. One day, I want my daughter to grow up like her mother who trades nothing for self-respect and want to appreciate her aunt (My Best Friend) who has been instrumental in taking this issue this far. I don't want my daughter to grow up into another timid human being. I am not going to hide this from my son either. For he needs to know how it is for a woman to be hurt and how to be a man not in anatomical perspective but rather in a human perspective. I want my parents to be proud of their upbringing. And not the least, when I find my soulmate some day, I want him to feel proud that he has married a "Strong woman." This is what made me what I am today - "Strong."
If you are still wondering what might be the secret for mending a broken heart, well its your determination and the way you respect yourself. If your levels of Self-Respect are good enough no matter what levels of Adrenaline your abuser might have, he will wither in front of you. I did it and experienced it. It's your turn whenever life throws a chance at you!!!!
Remember, "Giving up should never be an option."
2 years back, I joined an Organization (Let's just call it an Organization because it's not worth than being called anything else) in the city of Bangalore. People were skeptical and always taken back by my sense of independence, May be back home "Woman-is-way-down-than-a-man" concept was the upbringing phenomenon. I was the only girl among a batch of Twenty. While I was busy adjusting myself to the new environment and never before heard concepts of people round me, I noticed that one of the guys on the floor started pointing his middle finger towards me every time I walked past by him. Though little taken aback, I calmed myself thinking he is following the "BPO Culture" where in Middle fingers, F & B's at the computer screen are quite normal. And to add on to that, this guy was my good colleague. But how am I to guess that he was killing himself with jealousy and insecurity? He must have completed a course in acting because he used to hide all this behind his"Cool-got-nothing-to-bother-and-lose" attitude. It took me almost a year to realize that this was a rotten egg.
The moment I realized that I was being harassed sexually, I walked up to my supervisor. Poor Supervisor, who has been taught that no matter what its a sin to look at another woman the same way you look at your mother and sister, laughed it off. But with my persistence he arranged a meeting with a team of "Highly-Educated-But-Not-So-Civilized" Managers who wanted me to go out for a cup of Coffee with the Rogue who has been harassing me. I am sorry but am no Angel to pray for their Mothers and Sisters for a rather sensible treatment by other men. I religiously believe in Eye-for-an-eye concept. Call it coincidence or my prayers been answered at the same time, I had been fortunate enough to know some one who has an influential presence in the same Organization. I had the chance of meeting the right people to take up this further. Now, this was no more a matter of me being harassed. It was me being considered as a writing on the board- Easy to be erased. I wanted to prove the world that I am not someone who can be easily wept away. My slim figure doesn't equal a frail will.
Mails flew to the right people within days and a legal team was roped in. When called for a meeting, it was surprising to see my Supervisor holding the Rogue's hand and comforting him and counselling him. For a moment, I felt if I were the Abuser and he was the Victim. One of my best friends told me that after 18 years, holding the parents for the individual's behavior is wrong. True, I cannot blame 2 mothers and 2 father of 2 different individuals for their appalling behavior. All through the while the investigation was going on, the Rogue was absent from work due to "Some Mysterious Illness." May be his masculine power gave up on him before a Woman's self respect. My Supervisor however was yet to be contracted with this disease. He had no option but to shrink in his own seat while I started blooming with confidence. Weeks later, I walked away from the Organization with my head held high with the pride that I shook the world under their feet and giving them a taste of their own medicine. I was Happy.
Wait! Did I say I was happy? Yes I was indeed. Walking away gave me satisfaction that I never experienced before. But what about the pain that I went through the whole time? It was depressing. I could not share it with anyone for the fear of being judged. We are yet to out grow the "The girl must have done something to provoke the guy" theory. Few whom I told, narrated their own experiences and how beneficial it is to remain calm. But I was determined. I was not giving up. I spent sleepless nights thinking what might happen and how secure was I in the work place with a team of Uncivilized men trying to prove the Rogue's innocence. Don't be surprised if I mention that there were couple of women who were trying to support the men. Hell, yes for a man to be successful, a woman needs to be there, no matter what role she plays. With the fear prevailing day after day and the pain of being a victim cut the wound deeper, I had to sustain. There were times when I wanted to kill myself. But I decided against it as I realized that Heaven is a far off place from where I can watch the Rogue suffer. It was me and my Self-Respect against a pack of wolves suffering masculine chauvinism.When I thought I was alone along with my self respect in this battle, there has been my best friend who was with me putting herself in my shoes and reminding me how strong I need to be for what I believed was right. One day may be I get a chance to write about this wonderful human being. Now I was no more alone. I had my best friend to my right and my Self-Respect to me left. What can a couple of Uncivilized Men do to me? I stopped being bothered. I know started enjoying the trouble they were going through to save their jobs and not lose their means of bread and butter. I started making friends at work, never stopped smiling knowing that my smile scared them now even more. I looked at them in their eyes every time we crossed paths for I knew that my eyes had the power of humiliating them. I changed the way I wanted to be perceived. I no more wanted to be a mere survivor. I wanted to be a winner. And I am here today, writing this as a "WINNER."
But what made me a winner? What was the reason I put up a fight? How could I mend my broken heart? I always wanted to leave a beautiful legacy behind. One day, I want my daughter to grow up like her mother who trades nothing for self-respect and want to appreciate her aunt (My Best Friend) who has been instrumental in taking this issue this far. I don't want my daughter to grow up into another timid human being. I am not going to hide this from my son either. For he needs to know how it is for a woman to be hurt and how to be a man not in anatomical perspective but rather in a human perspective. I want my parents to be proud of their upbringing. And not the least, when I find my soulmate some day, I want him to feel proud that he has married a "Strong woman." This is what made me what I am today - "Strong."
If you are still wondering what might be the secret for mending a broken heart, well its your determination and the way you respect yourself. If your levels of Self-Respect are good enough no matter what levels of Adrenaline your abuser might have, he will wither in front of you. I did it and experienced it. It's your turn whenever life throws a chance at you!!!!
Remember, "Giving up should never be an option."
No comments:
Post a Comment