For some
time now, I haven’t been keeping well. All the medical tests ruled out any
major illness but I am yet to recover. And what disappoints me is the fact that
am stuck on my bed in my room taking pills and counting hours and days. I am
rearing to go back to my old life where mornings meant walking across the
street for tea with a friend, afternoons for siesta time, evenings for work and
nights were meant to enjoying the corporate culture in the office. Never once
did I bother to check why my clothes were
becoming loose on me nor did I bother to wonder why I was feeling weak quite
often. I now regret being careless. Now mornings are to wake up and notice
where I feel painful in my body, thank God for letting me pass the night’s
turmoil, begin the day’s battle with a series of pills, afternoons are for
calorie filled lunch and evenings are for hospital visits. By the time, I am
done with everything, I realize that the stars are shining bright in the sky
telling me that its time for pills again and time to sleep. Meanwhile, whenever
I can open my laptop, I apply for jobs keeping my fingers crossed. Luck is yet
to knock my door and hope its not too far away.
This still life
has taught me many things and has given me to retrospect my past and relations
that I’ve shared with people. I call myself romantically dead and so me sharing
any of my experiences in that field would be impossible. But I can let you read
one of my very good friend’s life journey. She has been my roomie until she was
married. Both of us were doctors the only difference being she was the practicing
one while I was the non practicing one. I have seen her dedication towards her
work and slogging days together on her cases in the hospital. She maintained a
healthy relation with the patient’s aides and was always there to counsel them.
Back home she was a careless young woman who wasn’t really bothered about how
often she changed her bed sheets or where there were enough supplies in the
room to last us for a month. She completely trusted me and left everything under
my control. As I was working at nights, I used to take care of things and made
sure that she had to worry about nothing but wash her hair and get ready to
work and rush off. We were quite attached to each other and we had no secrets
within us. If she was hurt, I was mad and if I had tears in my eyes she was
awake the whole night keeping an eye on me. I have been to her place and mutual
likings took place immediately. Life never comes so simple and I realized that
she was in love with her classmate who always ignored her feelings towards him.
She was quite upset about this as her parents were searching for a suitable guy
for her. We spent sleepless nights as the guy wasn’t reciprocating to her feelings and her parents almost fixed a
match. Engagement was just days away. She couldn’t gather enough courage to
tell her parents that she wasn’t ready for marriage with a stranger thanks to
her conservative upbringing. I tried convincing her that I would talk to her
parents as they treat me like their own. She stopped me and the guy whom she
cared for was like a stone that was never carved. Senseless and heartless. Time
flew as if we were travelling in a time machine and all of a sudden we realized
that the next day was the wedding. I have to confess that I prayed fervently
that the marriage shouldn’t happen. Contrary to my prayers, the marriage has
happened and she moved on in life with her partner.
She moved in to her
husband’s house and I gave her the space as I knew that she was new bride until
all of a sudden I received a call from one of our common friends. To my utter
shock, I heard that she has attempted suicide and behold, she was 2 months old
in the wed lock. I was at home far away from the city and had to rush back to
the city. Her husband barred her meeting anyone and she wasn’t allowed to take
any calls or any messages. All I knew was that she was working in a differed
clinic now for a lesser amount thanks to the never cribbing husband who gets paid
lesser than my friend. I somehow traced the place where she was working and
stepped in to see her losing half her weight and looking much older. I could
make out the intensity with which she must have been troubled. There was a long
silence between us as we had to gather ourselves to talk and face it. I let her
cry and she told me about her monstrous husband. Not to go much into the
details of what has happened, she now regrets that she didn’t tell her parents
that she wasn’t ready for a marriage with this guy. Being a citizen of a conservative
nation, she has decided to live her live with the beast and hopes that her
prayers might turn him to a human being. . I often remember her and offer a
small prayer for her happiness. I talk to her enquiring her about her well
being. But I could never gather enough courage to go and meet her and see what
she was going through.
“ If life was like a dress rehearsal and we
had time for do-overs”….Excerpts from Grey’s Anatomy. How true!! Unfortunately
life is a one time performance in which we need to excel every second to
survive and not let others over take us. In the process we ought to make sure
that we dream right and breathe in our dreams right. Every step we move and
every decision we take in life needs to be picture perfect and result perfect
lest it ruins a life time chance.
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