When life seems to be like travelling in a never ending dark tunnel, just look around.

         

               I just finished my college and found this job.This incident happened when I was working for a Multi National Company and was working at nights. The company has provided us transport and we would drop the other employees on the way. I stayed pretty far and would ideally be the last one to reach home. That was Christmas season and the city was blooming with joy and decoration. A female employee had to be dropped at her place and her house was inside a lane through which the cab couldn't pass by. The security guard offered to drop her at her place while the rest of us waited in the cab at the end of the street. It was pretty cold and I covered myself warm enough and was looking through the car window. A thin and frail woman was standing by the side of the road may be for alms. She cut a very sad figure. She must have been starving for couple of days for now. Before I could reach out to her to help her, I saw a cop on a 2 wheeler stopping by a fruits stall to pick up few fruits. The lady still shivering, and out of desperate hunger walked up to the cop for alms. The cop looked at her frail figure, spoke to her for few minutes and demanded that she get on at the back of his bike. The lady's expression is still afresh in my memories. Without a word, she sat on the bike and the cop rode off with an expression that was easily understood. He did not buy the fruits. Obviously, he was no more hungry for the fruits from the stall. He found something that would satiate his hunger. "Speechless" is a small word to express my state of mind.

            Years later, while I write this in the comfort of an air-conditioned room, I often think of that night and that helpless woman. I can't help but think of the exploitation that happened that night. As a young woman who started her career, it was an experience that taught me how to enjoy life given freedom and opportunities to enrich my inner self. That was the last time I ever hated my life and its problems. If my life was like a journey in a never-ending tunnel, the woman's trade for hunger showed me how fortunate I have been to live everyday on my own terms and not on anyone's demands. By no means am I demeaning her choice and its none of my business what must have happened that night after she rode pillion on the cop's bike.

           When life seems to be like travelling in a never-ending dark tunnel, just look around. You will see people frail than you and experiences difficult than yours'. Instead of whining, maybe you can be grateful for the necessities at your disposal which might be luxuries for the other person.
       
                

Stop being Inspired...Start Inspiring!!!

                                                 

                                                   Sounds rather strange right? Everyone of us look for something or somebody to inspire us in our daily life. For few if it is Famous personalities, for few its nature. For few if its pain that draws inspiration, for few its art. Man has come a long way in the field of Technology but is still stuck in the stone age days when it comes to emotional success. We all look for something magical or divine to drive us. We need Abraham Lincoln to tell us that slavery was bad. We need Serena Williams to teach us how to never give up no matter its health or racial discrimination. Back home we need Leander Paes to teach us that age is just a number. If the whole world is at our disposal to teach us how to be inspired, when do we get a chance to inspire?

                                                   I prefer to be an inspiration rather than being influenced or impressed by  someone who is already successful. When I carve my own path I would like to admire its landscape. While in my previous 2 posts I mentioned how I mended my heart when it was hurt, in this post I am going to write how I stopped looking for an inspiration when my ship was sinking and I became an inspiration. The reason I have been mentioning about this particular instance is because this incident changed me as a person. From being a victim, it transformed me into an "Individual." And I want my experience to travel as far as it can with a message that if I could, everyone else CAN. Every time I go back to this memory, it hurts me beyond description. I choose this topic foe the last couple of posts s well because I want every woman out there reading and hearing this to remember that your gender should be a reason for men out there to respect you but not humiliate you. This post will not be about how the male chauvinist pigs tried to put me down or not how about a couple of feminist professionals tried to stand by the men. But it's about me how I stood up against every odd and served their plates in full with their own medicine. 

                                                So as mentioned in the previous post, I did complain to my immediate Supervisor that the Guy was harassing me and I had a meeting with 3 more cowards. I decided it was time I stood up for my own cause. To be honest, I was not thinking about the entire female gender then. I was only thinking about my self respect. Their jaws dropped when I was very specific and clear in my stand. As their career progressed, they must have also mastered the art of acting because if they were shocked at a girl coming up straight and talking quite bold enough, they didn't show it yet. One Manager tried showing his frustration that I never tried being friends with the accused, I cut him short stating my job in the company was not to make friends and not to listen to crap. Another Manager took a leaf from his colleagues' and advised me that my priority should be my parent's health and not these petty issues. Little did he know that I would retort stating that had my parents been there in the meeting room at that moment, the would have told me to fight for my self respect. They tried with all their might to convince me and I too was convinced that you can't talk to a bunch of educated fools. I thanked them for all their advises and walked out more determined than ever. I did not relent. I did make a call and got the details of the Country Wide HR who handles the Sexual Harassment cases. I drafted a mail and sent it across. I mentioned that now it was no more one accused but 3 people along with the main accused trying for an "emotional rape" on a female employee. I clearly mentioned the statements that flew across in the room during the meeting. Within days tables changed. I had meetings with the HR Managers trying to go deeper into the issue. This was an emotional trial. I felt that my wound was never going to heal. I felt it was ME vs the Chauvinist tribe. I was determined that I was neither turning back nor giving up. The main accused denied the whole issue and the rest of the team (read Managers) supported their statements with disclaimers that they had no malice when they suggested "Coffee Date." I was given option of choosing how I wanted to proceed with this complaint that I filed- either opt for compromise or go ahead and take a Legal Team's help. I opted for the latter and none of them ever must have thought in their wildest dreams that I would be aggressive enough that mere mentioning my name would wet their pants. Legal team was involved and witnesses called in along with the accused and his team. It went on for a month and I managed to get them their dues before I walked out of the office. I no more wanted to work with uncivilized but seated in high positions. While leaving, unlike other employees, I didn't send out a "Thank You Manager" mails. I sent out a sarcastic mail advising people not to be quite just because it's not their issue. If it is me today, it might be one of them tomorrow. 

                                                    

                                                  If I only waited for a "Guardian Angel" to inspire me and revive my lost pride, I would have been waiting all my life for it. I rather chose to act when necessary and take things under my control. While leaving, I did leave few people inspired. I left with compliments that they wished they had "Guts" like me to stand up. But I had to correct them that it was not guts that were required but love for self and self respect are more important than anything else. I did my part and when life gives you a chance to stand up for yourself, don't hesitate because you never know whom you are inspiring!!!!!

                                         

What mends a broken heart?

                                                      After reading my previous post, one of my friends asked me the secret of mending broken heart. So, this can be considered a continuation of my previous post. While I was about to pen it down this morning, I woke up to a bad dream. Dreams either good or bad are not new to me. I have had dreams giving glimpses of my future and at times my dreams spoke about my passions and interests. But this particular dream was about humiliation. I dreamt that I was being ridiculed and humiliated. Though I woke up a little upset about the dream, I must admit that in reality I am not an alien to all the humiliation or ridicule. Being born in an affluent family to already highly successful parents didn't help either. Contrast to the popular  notion that I was born with a silver spoon, I had to make my existence felt every walk of my life -every step I had took, I had people surrounded like hounds discouraging me. There were times when I wanted to give up. There were times when I stood up because someone wanted me not to give up. My spiritual background has been looked down upon, my thought process ridiculed and nothing that I did looked potentially good to the people round me. One such incident where in I decided that I have had enough and stood up beyond my limits is what changed my life and people's perspective about me. Fear ran in the spines. And today am fortunate enough to write this in the comfort of my room and a very human room mate always next to me no matter the season or the time the clock strikes.

                                                      2 years back, I joined an Organization (Let's just call it an Organization because it's  not worth than being called anything else) in the city of Bangalore. People were skeptical and always taken back by my sense of independence, May be back home "Woman-is-way-down-than-a-man" concept was the upbringing phenomenon. I was the only girl among a batch of Twenty. While I was busy adjusting myself to the new environment and never before heard concepts of people round me, I noticed that one of the guys on the floor started pointing his middle finger towards me every time I walked past by him. Though little taken aback, I calmed myself thinking he is following the "BPO Culture" where in Middle fingers, F & B's at the computer screen are quite normal. And to add on to that, this guy was my good colleague. But how am I to guess that he was killing himself with jealousy and insecurity? He must have completed a course in acting because he used to hide all this behind his"Cool-got-nothing-to-bother-and-lose" attitude. It took me almost a year to realize that this was a rotten egg.


                                                      The moment I realized that I was being harassed sexually, I walked up to my supervisor. Poor Supervisor, who has been taught that no matter what its a sin to look at another woman the same way you look at your mother and sister, laughed it off. But with my persistence he arranged a meeting with a team of "Highly-Educated-But-Not-So-Civilized" Managers who wanted me to go out for a cup of Coffee with the Rogue who has been harassing me. I am sorry but am no Angel to pray for their Mothers and Sisters for a rather sensible treatment by other men. I religiously believe in Eye-for-an-eye concept. Call it coincidence or my prayers been answered at the same time, I had been fortunate enough to know some one who has an influential presence in the same Organization. I had the chance of meeting the right people to take up this further. Now, this was no more a matter of me being harassed. It was me being considered as a writing on the board- Easy to be erased. I wanted to prove the world that I am not someone who can be easily wept away. My slim figure doesn't equal a frail will.
                                                 
                                                   
                                                     Mails flew to the right people within days and a legal team was roped in. When called for a meeting, it was surprising to see my Supervisor holding the Rogue's hand and comforting him and counselling him. For a moment, I felt if I were the Abuser and he was the Victim. One of my best friends told me that after 18 years, holding the parents for the individual's behavior is wrong. True, I cannot blame 2 mothers and 2 father of 2 different individuals for their appalling behavior. All through the while the investigation was going on, the Rogue was absent from work due to "Some Mysterious Illness." May be his masculine power gave up on him before a Woman's  self respect. My Supervisor however was yet to be contracted with this disease. He had no option but to shrink in his own seat while I started blooming with confidence. Weeks later, I walked away from the Organization with my head held high with the pride that I shook the world under their feet and giving them a taste of their own medicine. I was Happy.

                         
                                                    Wait! Did I say I was happy? Yes I was indeed. Walking away gave me satisfaction that I never experienced before. But what about the pain that I went through the whole time? It was depressing. I could not share it with anyone for the fear of being judged. We are yet to out grow the "The girl must have done something to provoke the guy" theory. Few whom I told, narrated their own experiences and how beneficial it is to remain calm. But I was determined. I was not giving up. I spent sleepless nights thinking what might happen and how secure was I in the work place with a team of Uncivilized men trying to prove the Rogue's innocence. Don't be surprised if I mention that there were couple of women who were trying to support the men. Hell, yes for a man to be successful, a woman needs to be there, no matter what role she plays. With the fear prevailing day after day and the pain of being a victim cut the wound deeper, I had to sustain. There were times when I wanted to kill myself. But I decided against it as I realized that Heaven is a far off place from where I can watch the Rogue suffer. It was me and my Self-Respect against a pack of wolves suffering masculine chauvinism.When I thought I was alone along with my self respect in this battle, there has been my best friend who was with me putting herself in my shoes and reminding me how strong I need to be for what I believed was right. One day may be I get a chance to write about this wonderful human being. Now I was no more alone. I had my best friend to my right and my Self-Respect to me left. What can a couple of Uncivilized Men do to me? I stopped being bothered. I know started enjoying the trouble they were going through to save their jobs and not lose their means of bread and butter. I started making friends at work, never stopped smiling knowing that my smile scared them now even more. I looked at them in their eyes every time we crossed paths for I knew that my eyes had the power of humiliating them. I changed the way I wanted to be perceived. I no more wanted to be a mere survivor. I wanted to be a winner. And I am here today, writing this as a "WINNER."

                                                   But what made me a winner? What was the reason I put up a fight? How could I mend my broken heart? I always wanted to leave a beautiful legacy behind. One day, I want my daughter to grow up like her mother who trades nothing for self-respect and want to appreciate her aunt (My Best Friend) who has been instrumental in taking this issue this far. I don't want my daughter to grow up into another timid human being. I am not going to hide this from my son either. For he needs to know how it is for a woman to be hurt and how to be a man not in anatomical perspective but rather in a human perspective. I want my parents to be proud of their upbringing. And not the least, when I find my soulmate some day, I want him to feel proud that he has married a "Strong woman." This is what made me what I am today - "Strong."

                                                If you are still wondering what might be the secret for mending a broken heart, well its your determination and the way you respect yourself. If your levels of Self-Respect are good enough no matter what levels of Adrenaline your abuser might have, he will wither in front of you. I did it and experienced it. It's your turn whenever life throws a chance at you!!!!

                                                Remember, "Giving up should never be an option."

A secret formula for a broken heart.......

                                           Couple of days back, I posted my recent pics and multiple likes, comments and compliments poured in. Nothing new. But something was surprising. These were the same people who called me "Ugly" couple of years back. It was the same lot who once called me"The Cat-eyed-girl" who now call me "Hazel-eyed-beauty." The very same group who called me "Mother-of-two" now call me "Hot." I didn't change the color of my eyes to match people's expectations. The world evolved to a civilized one. I didn't starve myself to look chic. The world broadened its horizon of thought process. 2 years back, I was looked down as a loser. Today am being called "One of the Successful People." I had minimal interference in people's interpretation of me both then and now. What happened then? What turned things in my favor? Was I OK being harassed and ridiculed every single day? Certainly Not! I am a mere human and I am content in my imperfect perfectionism. I am still the same old young woman who wakes up with a fear not knowing what the day might bring forth. I sleep every  night with a dim thought of "what if it were the last night that I get to breathe?" Not that I want to live hundred years and beyond. I have unfinished business to do. Coming back to what turned the tables, I found a secret formula to mend my heart every time I was hurt. "Be what you are and the world has no option but to open its eyes." 

                                         Let me share an incident  what changed my perceptive towards life. 2 years ago I joined an organization with dreams of hope and prosperity. What resulted was harassment and a foreign treatment. I was not one among them. I was from a different region and of different language. My Team Leader wanted me to go for a cup of coffee with an animal who harassed me. I write animal not because am an anti-animal person. Instead because animals need to be trained to behave. While I chose to handle it with poise and dignity that my parents have taught me, the cattle herd covered the rogue under his wings. Me shaking the world under his feet is a different story. Not just his feet but a lot many others'. Do I feel proud? Certainly not. What I felt then and feel now is the same - Self respect is my heartbeat. I can look at me abusers in their eye and I doubt if they can. How has this changed me as a person? It reminded me of the basics that Olive branch is for Doves and for unruly dogs, its a cane. And I repeat myself I am not an animal hater. I have grown with domestic animals as my pets and to see wild animals around me disturbs me. 

                                        To all out those ready to mock at me or ridicule me, just a heads up "Am more than that meets your eyes and strikes your brains." Being educated doesn't help. Being civilized would certainly take you somewhere...... 

React..But not before you know the truth!

                                         It was a beach wedding and I could see everyone enjoying. Songs, dance and laughter filled the air. My husband came from behind and hugged me tight and asked me,”Honey, are you happy?”  I looked at him and then looked around. I couldn’t have asked for more. This was a marriage that any girl would have dreamt for and above all, this was my marriage. He held me tighter and repeated himself. I kissed him and nodded in approval.  I have known him through the church we have been seeing each other for some time now. My pastor was happy for both of us when we announced our decision to get married and he came with his wife and kids.  It was a joyous moment for both of us and I am sure we were going to cherish it for the rest of our lives. I was still absorbed in my own thoughts thinking of the way I have been blessed.

                                       “Can you come over here for a minute, Mark?” Someone called my husband.  “Yes, of course”. My husband hugged me and kissed me again and whispered, “Will be right back, Honey” and he slipped his mobile in my hands and left. I moved towards a group and sat there talking to them and posing happily for selfies. The phone in my hand rang and I realized that my husband’s phone was with me. It displayed as “Mom” and I picked up the call. For some reason, she was stuck abroad and couldn’t attend the marriage and Mark has promised that we were going to meet her soon after the marriage. I answered the call and a frail but happy voice spoke “Is Mark there? Or has he already left to Europe?” Before I could reply, she continued, “Isn’t it a great achievement?  All his hard work has paid off.  I am very proud of him. He was supposed to meet me but he said that he was going to Europe for a week’s business trip along with his Managing Director. He took up the family’s responsibility after his father passed away……..” She kept on talking but I was already numb with every drop of blood drained from my face.  I walked away trying to register what just happened.  I tried dialing my Contact Number from his phone and it displayed “Managing Director”. It slowly started hitting my brain as what might have just happened. So I was the “Managing Director” with whom he was going on a business trip and our beach wedding was the trip to Europe.   

                                    The world under my feet started trembling and I didn’t know what to do. I started to walk away trying to figure out why it has happened to me. “Honey,” I have been looking everywhere for you”.  Mark came running and hugged me. I gave him his mobile and he looked at me and asked” Are you ok Honey? You are looking pale and worried.”   “I am fine” I said. “Just that I am a little tired. Will you please look after the guests?”  “Sure, sweetheart”. I walked towards the rooms and told him “Your mum called up.” ” Oh! Did she?  We will meet her soon.” I walked away giving no response.

                                       There were two suites which were customized for the bride and the groom and I chose to use other normal room. I sat there on the bed crying my lungs out trying to understand how I have ruined my life. Why did I not ask him to take me to his mother? Why did I trust him blindly? Why did he save my name as “Managing Director? Was he already married? What is left of my life now? I don’t remember how long I sat there lost in thoughts. Someone knocked the door and I forced myself to open the door. Invasion of privacy is what I wanted least at this time. It was my Pastor’s wife. “Were you not supposed to be sharing the room with Mark?” She asked looking surprised. It’s quite late and you haven’t gone to your room yet? I mumbled something which I myself couldn’t hear and looked around. It was dark and I realized that I was there quite for some time. I had to escape from there before she had any questions for me and then started slowly moving towards the suite. I didn’t know how to face him for the fear of anger and hurt that I was cheated on. I walked into the room and saw Mark sleeping there. Not willing to disturb his sleep and certainly not being interested in a conversation, I slowly closed the door behind me and turned off the light and was walking towards the other corner of the bed. All of a sudden Mark sprang from the bed and grabbed me by his hand and pulled me closer towards him asking where I was the whole time. I tried freeing myself from his arms and he was muscular and I stood no chance. I told him that I overslept. I wanted to confront him. I couldn’t control my tears and as they ran down my cheeks, Mark was genuinely worried. “Hey Honey!” I was just worried when I didn’t see you. I am sorry if I shouldn’t have asked you that.” 

                    “I want to know why you cheated me. “ I asked him between sobs. “Cheating you? “What are you talking? Don’t you know how much I love you?” I could make out from his voice that he was hurt. I told him the conversation that I had with his mother earlier in the afternoon. I wanted an explanation as why he ruined my life. He looked at me carefully and still holding me tight to his arms, he took his phone and dialed a number. There was a voice from the other end and Mark spoke gently. “Mrs. Elizabeth, I know this is an off time but can I meet my mother now? It’s really important that I see her”. There was silence and after a minute, Mark said “Thank you. We will be there in half an hour”. He was in his pajamas and I was yet to change my bridal gown. Mark held me by his hand tight and closed the doors behind us and called the driver. He instructed the driver to drive to a place. I was wondering where we were going at this hour but was satisfied that we were finally going to meet his mother.

                      After 20 minutes, the car stopped in front of a building and the board read “Good Samaritan Rehabilitation Center.”  Mark was still holding my hand in his’ though there was silence. I had enough surprises since morning and had no energy for whatsoever. I just wanted the day to end.  After the security guard announce our arrival and upon approval to let us in, he opened the gate and directed the driver. Mark signaled the driver to stop in front of the Office Room and a lady came out. “Thank you Mrs. Elizabeth. And meet my wife.  It was kind of you to allow us to see her in such a short notice.” The lady in a soft tone replied- “I heard an anxiety in your tone and guessed it might be necessary that you should meet her”. We walked through and I couldn’t help but notice the rooms. The rooms were good enough to accommodate two beds and a study table.  After few minutes, Mrs. Elizabeth knocked a door and someone opened it. “Mum!” Mark went and hugged her and the lady slipped into his arms and was beaming with joy. I was even more confused. But wasn’t Mark’s mum supposed to be abroad and weren’t we supposed to be meeting her there? Both of them were lost in a conversation. I slowly skipped and sat on the bench in the lawn. I could hear her enquiring him about Mark’s Europe trip. Mrs. Elizabeth followed me.

                     “When Nathan passed away in that accident, we were worried about his mother’s condition as she was already schizophrenic. But Mark was continuously by her side taking care of her like her own son. For Mark, she was the mother whom he never had. And, Mrs. Kinsley started recovering and hopefully she will be discharged in a month or two. I am glad that Mark has found his partner in you. He keeps telling how affectionate you are.” I remember Mark narrating an incident involving his childhood friend Nathan who passed away in a fatal accident and how that left his mother shattered. His mother had always dreamt of Nathan making it big in life and couldn’t come to terms of her son’s sudden demise. Her only hope was Mark whom she was very attached to and wanted his time and presence around her. She had pinned all her hopes on Mark and his career.

                   Slowly everything fell in place. Mark was waiting for Mrs. Kinsley to recover to bring her home and then reveal our marriage. He felt it was his responsibility to take care of her. He didn’t want her to be upset about his long absence and hence the “Europe trip” story and my name as “Managing Director” were to convince her that whenever he was on a call, she wouldn’t be upset. Mrs. Kinsley was emotionally attached to Mark and Mrs. Elizabeth decided  that marriage was not the right topic to be disclosed to her keeping in mind her recovery phase. I ran back to the room and whispered in his ears, “I am sorry. I should have waited for you to tell me”. He smiled and I instantly knew I was lucky. Mark made her sit in a chair while he sat on the bed and signaled me to sit next to him. Mrs. Kinsley looked at me asked, “I am sorry but what did you tell your name was?”  I winked at Mark and replied “His Managing Director”.